True but thats because hes a fetus.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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