And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
