my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
