yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
