We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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