So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
