Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
