oh god the rape fog is back!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
only you would photoshop your dick
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
