For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize