I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
