Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
