suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My penis needs a shock collar
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
