you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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