Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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