Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
