I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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