I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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