He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
