he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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