Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
