Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize