So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
