there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
