My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
