She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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