I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My vagina just clenched in fear
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
