i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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