i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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