wanna go halves on a baby?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
