don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
