After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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