Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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