it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
