You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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