I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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