u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
