and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
