dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Randomize
