Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize