i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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