Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
