dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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