I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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