Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
