He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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