i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
