ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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