Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
