She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am spending my child support on dildos
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
