I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
