Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
