She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
