I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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