Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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