Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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