I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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