guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
