16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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