I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
