i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
