i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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