is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
