wakey wakey hands off snakey
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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