you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
did i just pee glitter
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
