fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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