there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
