I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize