The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
