There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
