I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
